the REAL me.

Well, Valentine's Day just flew by without leaving a trace. It has been as uneventful as the past 18 Valentine's Days in my life. Not that I wanted them to be that way, but they just turned out to be.. uneventful. Guess I haven't been able to find love after all. But, what is love?

It is somewhat hard to talk about love, or rather the lack of it, without seeming desperate (read: despo). But then again, I think it's perfectly human to want love. My entry today will be about romantic love. A check through the dictionary yields quite a number of definitions, but I suppose the one relevant here would be "a strong feeling of liking and caring about someone, especially combined with sexual attraction".

Suddenly my train of thought stopped completely. And I suddenly don't really see the point in me blogging this entry. But then again, for one thing, after having seen so many friends falling in and out of love, I have gotten kind of ambivalent about love. As the Oracle from the Matrix had said, "Every thing that has a beginning, has an end." At least I remember it being along those lines. Who can attest to the strength of love? But even with such thoughts, it is inevitable that one's heart would seek love.

That brings me to another point. Why does our society associate the heart with love? This thought just dawned upon me recently (read: a few hours ago). I realized that emotions are spawned from our minds, our brains, and not from our heart. And then i also recently (read: a few minutes ago) realized that perhaps it's because of the way our heart reacts when faced with situations of love. Whether our hearts are "racing", or "skipping a beat", all these seem to occur when we are excited by that one person. I'm not too sure, because I have not been attached before, but I suppose these feelings die off once you are attached to that special someone. I don't mean that you don't love him/her anymore, but it's just that, you don't get so excited that your heart gives weird reactions anymore. Personally, my heart has never been "broken", but it has hurt from such issues before. It did literally hurt.

"How do I live without you?" That seems to be a common question people ask during break ups. So common that it has been incorporated into such a popular song. I don't mean people will literally blurt this out to the one who is ending the relationship with them, but I am certain most will ask themselves this question as they despair in their plight. However, I think perhaps they should ask, "How DID I live without you?" instead. I'm sure most of us were surviving fine before we met "the one" for us. So, after a breakup, instead of wallowing in self-pity, perhaps one should try to return his/her life to the state it was before he/she met the one who "broke his/her heart". But I suppose I may never know how hard this may be, since I have never been attached.

I'm doing guard duty tomorrow, sad to say, which was why I ended up eating reunion dinner yesterday night. I suppose I have to close this entry now, since I have to prepare for book in. And in the meantime, I guess I shall continue asking myself, "How do I live without you?"
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