the REAL me.

I suppose there comes a point (or many points, i think) in everyone's life where one starts thinking about what goes on in our heads. Or perhaps I'm just thinking too much.

One thing is, I've started analyzing the way I think about things for quite some time now. Yes, thinking about thinking. To elaborate, I think about why or how come I think the way I do. For there is one thing that I've come to realize. It's impossible (to me, at least) to control your thoughts. You might argue that of course it's possible, such as controlling your anger, or stop yourself from crying. But that's different. Those emotions are the effects of our thoughts, their manifestation. Sure, you can stop the shouting and random throwing of objects, but does that mean you're no longer angry? You can stop crying, but that doesn't mean you're not sad anymore. We're just taught to control the manifestation of our thoughts and emotions.

An even more obvious case would be that of non-emotional thoughts. (This is great. I've now started coining my own terms.) Or rather, it's more like a.. desire-related thought, or addiction thought, since you could consider desire as an emotion. For example, you think of some particular game all day long, one that you've been playing for some time now, and now you want more. Or a very nice manga you've been reading. Or some particular person who catches your eye. It's not something you can easily stop thinking about, especially when the feeling is strong. One of the few ways to stop thinking is to keep yourself busy. Either with work or with other thoughts. But once you aren't busy anymore, the thoughts come back.

Hence, I've given up trying to control my thoughts. As the song above, Remember to Forget (by S.H.E.), says in it's lyrics, "People can't control who they fall in love with, but at least they can decide whether to give up or not", it's not possible to control what you desire. As a side thought, I bet this piece of writing will get a super lousy grade for GP even with perfect grammar, since I couldn't be bothered to find synonyms for words such as "control", "possible", "thoughts", etc. and hence am repeating them like they will cease to exist tomorrow. But anyway, as I was saying, I'm not just referring to people. You can't really stop yourself from desiring your dream car, for example. But I suppose the "giving up" part is more for people, because you won't really need to give up you favourite game, or manga, or continue dreaming about your dream car, etc.

Another thought on thoughts that I have is the title of the song itself. Our memory seems to like to work in a funny way. It remembers all the things you don't want it to, yet forgets all the details that you'd like to remember. And the more you try to forget, the more the thought will stay. I can't remember the ideal gas equation, which I've been made to memorize two years ago, but I certainly can't forget being punished by a Chinese teacher in primary school. It's not a very pleasant experience, but I guess I'm stuck with it forever. But that's certainly not the only thing I'd like to forget.

Okay, my last thought on thoughts is that I've run out of thoughts to think about. Thoughts are certainly still running through my brain, but I've nothing much left to think about them. Till next time.
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