Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Memory.
Memory is a funny thing. It never seems to work the way it should. I can't seem to remember what I should, yet I can't seem to forget what ought to be forgotten.
Yesterday, we were just introduced to dynamic memory allocation in C++. If only my brain could function like a computer, such that I can allocate space for whatever I need to remember, and retrieve the information whenever I need to. But life is never that easy, is it?
And so yesterday, after showering at SRC after training, I accidentally left my clothes behind in the shower. And did not remember until I was on my way home. And amongst the clothes I was wearing, there was the item I treasured the most: my dragon boat singlet. The rest of the items, such as shorts, socks and underwear, could always be easily replaced.
I was then reminded of what happened during my JC days, when I lost my team watch (everyone on the team had the same watch) to MacRitchie Reservoir. It was something that could have been avoided, but I just had to capsize (Yes, I was rowing a T1 and shouldn't have capsized, but I did.) and end up losing the watch. At that point in time, I felt a loss of identity, as if it was a sign, telling me I wasn't good enough to be part of the team. But I soon got over it, even though I eventually still wasn't good enough to compete in the Nationals. It's amazing how I still remember this.
And this time, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to retrieve my singlet. Even though I do actually have 3 other team singlets, I did not wish to lose a single one. But at least this time, I did not let the loss affect me in a negative way, as I knew that even if I were unable to get it back, my abilities did not depend on it. But still, I was really glad when Pirapong told me he managed to salvage it. Really appreciated the trouble he went to help me find it.
But there have been so many more losses that my memory, or rather lack of, has caused me. Like how I left my $110 Asics Cumulus 10 overnight at Kallang and only realized the next morning. And needless to say, it was gone when I went back. And suffering financial losses isn't all. I don't even want to get started on the marketing subject pool study I forgot to attend. And the Chinese "spelling" test I forgot to study for when I was still in primary school.
My forgetfulness caused all these terrible things to happen, yet I can't ever seem to forget any of them. And the best part is, my memory seems to be getting worse. And the ginkgo biloba doesn't seem to be helping. Provided I do remember to take it.
Which brings me to my last point, which I almost forgot. There's the saying, "Forgive and forget." Sure, I usually don't bear grudges, fulfilling the "forgive" part. But don't expect me to forget, because I can't control the things my brain wants to remember. And for some reason, it's especially good at remembering misdemeanors.
And one last thing. Here's an interesting quote about memory from when I was a little boy. It's something I saw more than 10 years ago, yet I still remember: "When I do good, nobody remembers. When I do wrong, nobody forgets." And from experience, that seems to be the way most people's memories work.
On hindsight, my blogging style seems to have changed. Changed pretty much. Perhaps it's how I've evolved over the past half a year without blogging. There were instances when I wanted to rant about stuff, but nothing substantial enough to warrant a post. But I guess, this time, it's different. I've changed.
And yes, my blog is alive again. =D
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Yesterday, we were just introduced to dynamic memory allocation in C++. If only my brain could function like a computer, such that I can allocate space for whatever I need to remember, and retrieve the information whenever I need to. But life is never that easy, is it?
And so yesterday, after showering at SRC after training, I accidentally left my clothes behind in the shower. And did not remember until I was on my way home. And amongst the clothes I was wearing, there was the item I treasured the most: my dragon boat singlet. The rest of the items, such as shorts, socks and underwear, could always be easily replaced.
I was then reminded of what happened during my JC days, when I lost my team watch (everyone on the team had the same watch) to MacRitchie Reservoir. It was something that could have been avoided, but I just had to capsize (Yes, I was rowing a T1 and shouldn't have capsized, but I did.) and end up losing the watch. At that point in time, I felt a loss of identity, as if it was a sign, telling me I wasn't good enough to be part of the team. But I soon got over it, even though I eventually still wasn't good enough to compete in the Nationals. It's amazing how I still remember this.
And this time, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to retrieve my singlet. Even though I do actually have 3 other team singlets, I did not wish to lose a single one. But at least this time, I did not let the loss affect me in a negative way, as I knew that even if I were unable to get it back, my abilities did not depend on it. But still, I was really glad when Pirapong told me he managed to salvage it. Really appreciated the trouble he went to help me find it.
But there have been so many more losses that my memory, or rather lack of, has caused me. Like how I left my $110 Asics Cumulus 10 overnight at Kallang and only realized the next morning. And needless to say, it was gone when I went back. And suffering financial losses isn't all. I don't even want to get started on the marketing subject pool study I forgot to attend. And the Chinese "spelling" test I forgot to study for when I was still in primary school.
My forgetfulness caused all these terrible things to happen, yet I can't ever seem to forget any of them. And the best part is, my memory seems to be getting worse. And the ginkgo biloba doesn't seem to be helping. Provided I do remember to take it.
Which brings me to my last point, which I almost forgot. There's the saying, "Forgive and forget." Sure, I usually don't bear grudges, fulfilling the "forgive" part. But don't expect me to forget, because I can't control the things my brain wants to remember. And for some reason, it's especially good at remembering misdemeanors.
And one last thing. Here's an interesting quote about memory from when I was a little boy. It's something I saw more than 10 years ago, yet I still remember: "When I do good, nobody remembers. When I do wrong, nobody forgets." And from experience, that seems to be the way most people's memories work.
On hindsight, my blogging style seems to have changed. Changed pretty much. Perhaps it's how I've evolved over the past half a year without blogging. There were instances when I wanted to rant about stuff, but nothing substantial enough to warrant a post. But I guess, this time, it's different. I've changed.
And yes, my blog is alive again. =D
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