Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Just Kidding.
First off, let me just rant a little about what happened over the weekend. Of course, the highlight of my entire weekend was MR500. It was the first time I ever coxed in a race, and probably one of the last few times I'll ever get to row in a race again.
I'm really proud of our team, especially boat B. We've improved much over the past months, and I'm truly amazed by what boat B was capable of. Though the event was truncated due to inclement weather, it was still great, as we had the opportunity to see where we stand now. And there is much hope for the future.
But it's amazing how my mood can swing between extremes within such short periods of time. I was extremely elated by the end of MR500, yet.. now, I'm starting to have doubts. Really... Sometimes, I guess it's not a good idea to have such a powerful information satellite. It's nice to get to know some things that others don't know, but other times, it's saddening to know what's going on backstage. Especially when you accidentally find out what people are saying about you / doing to you behind your back.
I had such a firm belief in our team, about how bonded we are, especially within my own batch. Yet.. when I accidentally found out certain things, my belief was shaken. Not entirely crumbled, or at least not yet, but.. I really don't know if anything anyone says is true anymore.
"You did a great job coxing for that set!"
"You've improved alot over the past few months."
"Your biceps are damn big lah!"
"At first I thought that you were quite annoying, but then actually your feedback is usually quite constructive."
All those and many other things that you guys have said.. I don't even know if I should believe any of those anymore. But it's really ironic. The fact that I'm actually being affected by all these just shows one thing: I care about what they think of me. Despite things having happened without my knowledge, I still care. I guess that's the heart that Darren has always been talking about. Using your heart to row for your brothers on the boat, for all these guys important to you.
***************************
Laptop ran out of battery, so I had it shut down and went for training. And I felt much better after training. I guess, I thought too much, like what Pong said last time. I guess I'm just too sensitive. In the past, I used to not care what others thought of me, as long as I knew I was doing what's right. But I guess the environment has changed me. And the truth is, I knew that almost everyone on the team just likes to poke fun at each other. No point taking each other too seriously, I guess.
But still, there are certain people.. not necessarily from the team, but just a general observation about people around me.. who try to pretend that they did not mean what they said by adding "Just kidding!" after their comment, which is usually negative at the very least, if not derogatory.
"Walao! This kind of simple question also don't know how to do?... Just kidding!"
"The stroke pull until like that, should might as well be coxswain... Just kidding!"
And the list goes on.. But I don't want to point fingers. It's really not a very nice thing to do when it's obvious that you actually meant what you initially said, and is simply trying to cover it up by throwing those 2 words. And my Keng Swee watch mates from OBS should remember this: I hate hypocrites. Enough said.
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I'm really proud of our team, especially boat B. We've improved much over the past months, and I'm truly amazed by what boat B was capable of. Though the event was truncated due to inclement weather, it was still great, as we had the opportunity to see where we stand now. And there is much hope for the future.
But it's amazing how my mood can swing between extremes within such short periods of time. I was extremely elated by the end of MR500, yet.. now, I'm starting to have doubts. Really... Sometimes, I guess it's not a good idea to have such a powerful information satellite. It's nice to get to know some things that others don't know, but other times, it's saddening to know what's going on backstage. Especially when you accidentally find out what people are saying about you / doing to you behind your back.
I had such a firm belief in our team, about how bonded we are, especially within my own batch. Yet.. when I accidentally found out certain things, my belief was shaken. Not entirely crumbled, or at least not yet, but.. I really don't know if anything anyone says is true anymore.
"You did a great job coxing for that set!"
"You've improved alot over the past few months."
"Your biceps are damn big lah!"
"At first I thought that you were quite annoying, but then actually your feedback is usually quite constructive."
All those and many other things that you guys have said.. I don't even know if I should believe any of those anymore. But it's really ironic. The fact that I'm actually being affected by all these just shows one thing: I care about what they think of me. Despite things having happened without my knowledge, I still care. I guess that's the heart that Darren has always been talking about. Using your heart to row for your brothers on the boat, for all these guys important to you.
***************************
Laptop ran out of battery, so I had it shut down and went for training. And I felt much better after training. I guess, I thought too much, like what Pong said last time. I guess I'm just too sensitive. In the past, I used to not care what others thought of me, as long as I knew I was doing what's right. But I guess the environment has changed me. And the truth is, I knew that almost everyone on the team just likes to poke fun at each other. No point taking each other too seriously, I guess.
But still, there are certain people.. not necessarily from the team, but just a general observation about people around me.. who try to pretend that they did not mean what they said by adding "Just kidding!" after their comment, which is usually negative at the very least, if not derogatory.
"Walao! This kind of simple question also don't know how to do?... Just kidding!"
"The stroke pull until like that, should might as well be coxswain... Just kidding!"
And the list goes on.. But I don't want to point fingers. It's really not a very nice thing to do when it's obvious that you actually meant what you initially said, and is simply trying to cover it up by throwing those 2 words. And my Keng Swee watch mates from OBS should remember this: I hate hypocrites. Enough said.
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Dependence.
I came across this quite long ago, probably from an email or something, and I guess it's interesting enough for me to remember it until now. Initially wanted to blog it together with the post on Valentine's Day, but unfortunately forgot.
In everyone's life, there will always be four people that you come across:
1. Your first love.
2. The person you loved the most.
3. The person who loved you the most.
4. The person whom you spend the rest of your life with.
But for most people, the 4 will usually not be the same person. I guess for me, I've met 1, who is definitely not 2, and I've yet to come across 3 or 4. And perhaps there will be someone along the way who replaces 2. Though that will always remain a mystery until my dying day.
Speaking of my dying day, I'm reminded of the song Come What May from the movie Moulin Rouge. I haven't really seen the movie properly. Didn't pay attention to it when we were watching at my friend's house, until the last part, which was.. really touching. And the song is really.. sad. It's not a song with a catchy melody or enchanting lyrics, but it's still a really good song. Very appropriate for the movie.
Having said all those stuff above, I just have a simple point for this post. Sometimes, it's scary to grow close to people. You become dependent on them, without realizing it. And someday, inevitably, you will part. Sometimes I think it would be really good to have a special someone, whom you can turn to when it seems as if you can't shoulder the weight of the world anymore. Yet.. opening yourself up may possibly result in despair at the end of the day.
3 days to MR500. Time to see how much I've improved over the past 3 months, in terms of coxing. And we'll be able to witness how much we've improved as a team.
And by the way, don't read too much into the last line of the previous post. It doesn't really mean anything significant. Not anymore, anyway.
0 comments
In everyone's life, there will always be four people that you come across:
1. Your first love.
2. The person you loved the most.
3. The person who loved you the most.
4. The person whom you spend the rest of your life with.
But for most people, the 4 will usually not be the same person. I guess for me, I've met 1, who is definitely not 2, and I've yet to come across 3 or 4. And perhaps there will be someone along the way who replaces 2. Though that will always remain a mystery until my dying day.
Speaking of my dying day, I'm reminded of the song Come What May from the movie Moulin Rouge. I haven't really seen the movie properly. Didn't pay attention to it when we were watching at my friend's house, until the last part, which was.. really touching. And the song is really.. sad. It's not a song with a catchy melody or enchanting lyrics, but it's still a really good song. Very appropriate for the movie.
Having said all those stuff above, I just have a simple point for this post. Sometimes, it's scary to grow close to people. You become dependent on them, without realizing it. And someday, inevitably, you will part. Sometimes I think it would be really good to have a special someone, whom you can turn to when it seems as if you can't shoulder the weight of the world anymore. Yet.. opening yourself up may possibly result in despair at the end of the day.
3 days to MR500. Time to see how much I've improved over the past 3 months, in terms of coxing. And we'll be able to witness how much we've improved as a team.
And by the way, don't read too much into the last line of the previous post. It doesn't really mean anything significant. Not anymore, anyway.
0 comments
Friday, March 20, 2009
Faith. Belief. Trust.
Okay this post is really long overdue. I initially wanted to blog about this immediately after OBS, but have been so busy with school. I probably should be attempting my CS or MA lab right now, but I shall just squeeze in a blog post.
OBS had been a really fruitful journey for me. I learnt many new things there, and most importantly, is now much more closely bonded to my team mates. One of things I gained through the course was to have more FBT in my team mates. Faith. Belief. Trust.
Although I've always known I was a perfectionist, I'd been quite.. oblivious to the impact my actions might have had on others. By attempting to take things into my own hands so that the results will not be below my expectations, I had actually been robbing others of their rights and undermining their ability to perform.
But after the course, I now understand how important it is to have FBT in the people around me, especially my team mates. There's only so much within my control as a coxswain. At the end of the day, I need the strength of the rowers to bring us through the finishing line.
And to that, I also do hope all the rowers will have faith that I will do my job well as a coxswain. Although I do have to admit that my coxing ability isn't top notch yet.. But I'm still learning as much as I can every training. I can't give anything but my best, because I know of the high hopes pinned on me.. And I must not let my brothers down..
But unfortunately, I had to injure my back now. Probably a sprain or something, but I can't bend forward at all. And there's only 1 week left to MR500. I really hope I can recover in time. If not, even coxing will be a problem.
I've been listening to Way Back Into Love on repeat for the past hour. Will be borrowing the Music And Lyrics DVD from Alwyn next week. The story sounds touching, and the song is beautiful. And I do hope I'm not imagining things this time..
0 comments
OBS had been a really fruitful journey for me. I learnt many new things there, and most importantly, is now much more closely bonded to my team mates. One of things I gained through the course was to have more FBT in my team mates. Faith. Belief. Trust.
Although I've always known I was a perfectionist, I'd been quite.. oblivious to the impact my actions might have had on others. By attempting to take things into my own hands so that the results will not be below my expectations, I had actually been robbing others of their rights and undermining their ability to perform.
But after the course, I now understand how important it is to have FBT in the people around me, especially my team mates. There's only so much within my control as a coxswain. At the end of the day, I need the strength of the rowers to bring us through the finishing line.
And to that, I also do hope all the rowers will have faith that I will do my job well as a coxswain. Although I do have to admit that my coxing ability isn't top notch yet.. But I'm still learning as much as I can every training. I can't give anything but my best, because I know of the high hopes pinned on me.. And I must not let my brothers down..
But unfortunately, I had to injure my back now. Probably a sprain or something, but I can't bend forward at all. And there's only 1 week left to MR500. I really hope I can recover in time. If not, even coxing will be a problem.
I've been listening to Way Back Into Love on repeat for the past hour. Will be borrowing the Music And Lyrics DVD from Alwyn next week. The story sounds touching, and the song is beautiful. And I do hope I'm not imagining things this time..
0 comments
