Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Just Kidding.
First off, let me just rant a little about what happened over the weekend. Of course, the highlight of my entire weekend was MR500. It was the first time I ever coxed in a race, and probably one of the last few times I'll ever get to row in a race again.
I'm really proud of our team, especially boat B. We've improved much over the past months, and I'm truly amazed by what boat B was capable of. Though the event was truncated due to inclement weather, it was still great, as we had the opportunity to see where we stand now. And there is much hope for the future.
But it's amazing how my mood can swing between extremes within such short periods of time. I was extremely elated by the end of MR500, yet.. now, I'm starting to have doubts. Really... Sometimes, I guess it's not a good idea to have such a powerful information satellite. It's nice to get to know some things that others don't know, but other times, it's saddening to know what's going on backstage. Especially when you accidentally find out what people are saying about you / doing to you behind your back.
I had such a firm belief in our team, about how bonded we are, especially within my own batch. Yet.. when I accidentally found out certain things, my belief was shaken. Not entirely crumbled, or at least not yet, but.. I really don't know if anything anyone says is true anymore.
"You did a great job coxing for that set!"
"You've improved alot over the past few months."
"Your biceps are damn big lah!"
"At first I thought that you were quite annoying, but then actually your feedback is usually quite constructive."
All those and many other things that you guys have said.. I don't even know if I should believe any of those anymore. But it's really ironic. The fact that I'm actually being affected by all these just shows one thing: I care about what they think of me. Despite things having happened without my knowledge, I still care. I guess that's the heart that Darren has always been talking about. Using your heart to row for your brothers on the boat, for all these guys important to you.
***************************
Laptop ran out of battery, so I had it shut down and went for training. And I felt much better after training. I guess, I thought too much, like what Pong said last time. I guess I'm just too sensitive. In the past, I used to not care what others thought of me, as long as I knew I was doing what's right. But I guess the environment has changed me. And the truth is, I knew that almost everyone on the team just likes to poke fun at each other. No point taking each other too seriously, I guess.
But still, there are certain people.. not necessarily from the team, but just a general observation about people around me.. who try to pretend that they did not mean what they said by adding "Just kidding!" after their comment, which is usually negative at the very least, if not derogatory.
"Walao! This kind of simple question also don't know how to do?... Just kidding!"
"The stroke pull until like that, should might as well be coxswain... Just kidding!"
And the list goes on.. But I don't want to point fingers. It's really not a very nice thing to do when it's obvious that you actually meant what you initially said, and is simply trying to cover it up by throwing those 2 words. And my Keng Swee watch mates from OBS should remember this: I hate hypocrites. Enough said.
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I'm really proud of our team, especially boat B. We've improved much over the past months, and I'm truly amazed by what boat B was capable of. Though the event was truncated due to inclement weather, it was still great, as we had the opportunity to see where we stand now. And there is much hope for the future.
But it's amazing how my mood can swing between extremes within such short periods of time. I was extremely elated by the end of MR500, yet.. now, I'm starting to have doubts. Really... Sometimes, I guess it's not a good idea to have such a powerful information satellite. It's nice to get to know some things that others don't know, but other times, it's saddening to know what's going on backstage. Especially when you accidentally find out what people are saying about you / doing to you behind your back.
I had such a firm belief in our team, about how bonded we are, especially within my own batch. Yet.. when I accidentally found out certain things, my belief was shaken. Not entirely crumbled, or at least not yet, but.. I really don't know if anything anyone says is true anymore.
"You did a great job coxing for that set!"
"You've improved alot over the past few months."
"Your biceps are damn big lah!"
"At first I thought that you were quite annoying, but then actually your feedback is usually quite constructive."
All those and many other things that you guys have said.. I don't even know if I should believe any of those anymore. But it's really ironic. The fact that I'm actually being affected by all these just shows one thing: I care about what they think of me. Despite things having happened without my knowledge, I still care. I guess that's the heart that Darren has always been talking about. Using your heart to row for your brothers on the boat, for all these guys important to you.
***************************
Laptop ran out of battery, so I had it shut down and went for training. And I felt much better after training. I guess, I thought too much, like what Pong said last time. I guess I'm just too sensitive. In the past, I used to not care what others thought of me, as long as I knew I was doing what's right. But I guess the environment has changed me. And the truth is, I knew that almost everyone on the team just likes to poke fun at each other. No point taking each other too seriously, I guess.
But still, there are certain people.. not necessarily from the team, but just a general observation about people around me.. who try to pretend that they did not mean what they said by adding "Just kidding!" after their comment, which is usually negative at the very least, if not derogatory.
"Walao! This kind of simple question also don't know how to do?... Just kidding!"
"The stroke pull until like that, should might as well be coxswain... Just kidding!"
And the list goes on.. But I don't want to point fingers. It's really not a very nice thing to do when it's obvious that you actually meant what you initially said, and is simply trying to cover it up by throwing those 2 words. And my Keng Swee watch mates from OBS should remember this: I hate hypocrites. Enough said.
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