Sunday, February 27, 2011
Raison D'être.
My reason for existence. I seem to have lost it today.
It's funny how I'm posting now, after the blog went silent for almost 2 years. All this while, there have been many situations that prompted me to blog. Usually in times of great emotions, when feelings were overflowing in my heart. But none of them as great as what I feel today, at this point in time.
I actually looked at my last post before writing this one. What a long time it has been. That was after my 1st ever MR500. And my next MR500 (my 3rd one) is less than 3 weeks away. Looking at that post, I really never expected myself to be where I am now.
I'm not saying that I've gotten very far in this aspect of my life. It's just that, things have turned out very different from the way I've expected them to. Back in year 2, when almost all my batch mates left the team, I had almost wanted to do the same. But I sought strength from the rest who persisted, and the rest, as they say, is history.
But looking from where I stand now, I realized.. I'm not really anywhere. I happened to be sifting through old SMSes on my hand phone, and came across this one from Sahfahri back in Feb 2009:
"Hey bro have faith in yourself. Let's be e biggest in e team. Haha. Cya thurs:)"
I can't remember what we were talking about. Probably about the upcoming MR500 back then. I didn't remember keeping this SMS, but I know why I did. Like a few other SMSes on my current phone, this one is stored on my SIM card, legacies from my old phone. I keep all these SMSes to remind myself of important things that happened in my life. I may have forgotten about this SMS, but never have I forgotten about the desire to keep getting stronger.
But now, as I said, I realize I don't seem to be anywhere. We just had a fitness test this weekend. I know my results are not entirely horrible, but I expected much more from myself. It does seem like great expectations lead to great disappointment.
I guess much of the disappointment stems from the fact that most of my peers outperform me. Despite having put your best into training, the improvements don't seem to justify the effort. Perhaps this was how my ex-roommates felt?
I seriously feel weak. And it's not the same as those times when people say I'm smart and I say I'm not, when I know I actually am, by normal standards. YES, I FINALLY ADMIT I AM SMART. But so what? It's not something I want to be known for.
When people know you are smart, the usual outcome is that they'll make use of you to help them with studies. But I'm fine with that. I like helping people with their studies anyway. Heck. I like helping people in general. I believe that everyone has a part to play in making this world a nicer place. Which is why I hate people who make life inconvenient for others.
I digressed. Anyway, the truth is, for the past 2 years of my life, I have been focusing all my efforts in dragon boat. All I've wanted was to be a good coxswain. And I did get recognized by peers for that ability. But now my attention has shifted to being a good paddler. But it seems so hard. My strength isn't "there". Neither is my endurance. Nor my technique. Not to mention my stamina. So what do I have? Nothing.
So far, it doesn't seem like this post has anything to do with my reason for existence. I have always pondered about this issue; about why I exist. But I figured there are still many things in life I've yet to understand, so my raison d'être will be to give my best in life and pursue my dreams, until I understand the purpose of life. But now my dream seems so far away. Is it really still something feasible for me?
This isn't the first time I've had self-doubt, and I've managed to overcome them every time. But today just seems different. I tried listening to a whole bunch of encouraging songs on my way home, something I always do when I am in need of encouragement, but they did little to help today. And I felt so bad, such that I hardly did any revision for my mid-term test tomorrow.
Being in a total loss right now, there doesn't seem to be much I can do, except hope that this feeling will wear off. The only thing I can do for now will be to train harder tomorrow. Let's hope that the next time I blog about this, I can be proud of where I stand..
0 comments
It's funny how I'm posting now, after the blog went silent for almost 2 years. All this while, there have been many situations that prompted me to blog. Usually in times of great emotions, when feelings were overflowing in my heart. But none of them as great as what I feel today, at this point in time.
I actually looked at my last post before writing this one. What a long time it has been. That was after my 1st ever MR500. And my next MR500 (my 3rd one) is less than 3 weeks away. Looking at that post, I really never expected myself to be where I am now.
I'm not saying that I've gotten very far in this aspect of my life. It's just that, things have turned out very different from the way I've expected them to. Back in year 2, when almost all my batch mates left the team, I had almost wanted to do the same. But I sought strength from the rest who persisted, and the rest, as they say, is history.
But looking from where I stand now, I realized.. I'm not really anywhere. I happened to be sifting through old SMSes on my hand phone, and came across this one from Sahfahri back in Feb 2009:
"Hey bro have faith in yourself. Let's be e biggest in e team. Haha. Cya thurs:)"
I can't remember what we were talking about. Probably about the upcoming MR500 back then. I didn't remember keeping this SMS, but I know why I did. Like a few other SMSes on my current phone, this one is stored on my SIM card, legacies from my old phone. I keep all these SMSes to remind myself of important things that happened in my life. I may have forgotten about this SMS, but never have I forgotten about the desire to keep getting stronger.
But now, as I said, I realize I don't seem to be anywhere. We just had a fitness test this weekend. I know my results are not entirely horrible, but I expected much more from myself. It does seem like great expectations lead to great disappointment.
I guess much of the disappointment stems from the fact that most of my peers outperform me. Despite having put your best into training, the improvements don't seem to justify the effort. Perhaps this was how my ex-roommates felt?
I seriously feel weak. And it's not the same as those times when people say I'm smart and I say I'm not, when I know I actually am, by normal standards. YES, I FINALLY ADMIT I AM SMART. But so what? It's not something I want to be known for.
When people know you are smart, the usual outcome is that they'll make use of you to help them with studies. But I'm fine with that. I like helping people with their studies anyway. Heck. I like helping people in general. I believe that everyone has a part to play in making this world a nicer place. Which is why I hate people who make life inconvenient for others.
I digressed. Anyway, the truth is, for the past 2 years of my life, I have been focusing all my efforts in dragon boat. All I've wanted was to be a good coxswain. And I did get recognized by peers for that ability. But now my attention has shifted to being a good paddler. But it seems so hard. My strength isn't "there". Neither is my endurance. Nor my technique. Not to mention my stamina. So what do I have? Nothing.
So far, it doesn't seem like this post has anything to do with my reason for existence. I have always pondered about this issue; about why I exist. But I figured there are still many things in life I've yet to understand, so my raison d'être will be to give my best in life and pursue my dreams, until I understand the purpose of life. But now my dream seems so far away. Is it really still something feasible for me?
This isn't the first time I've had self-doubt, and I've managed to overcome them every time. But today just seems different. I tried listening to a whole bunch of encouraging songs on my way home, something I always do when I am in need of encouragement, but they did little to help today. And I felt so bad, such that I hardly did any revision for my mid-term test tomorrow.
Being in a total loss right now, there doesn't seem to be much I can do, except hope that this feeling will wear off. The only thing I can do for now will be to train harder tomorrow. Let's hope that the next time I blog about this, I can be proud of where I stand..
0 comments
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Just Kidding.
First off, let me just rant a little about what happened over the weekend. Of course, the highlight of my entire weekend was MR500. It was the first time I ever coxed in a race, and probably one of the last few times I'll ever get to row in a race again.
I'm really proud of our team, especially boat B. We've improved much over the past months, and I'm truly amazed by what boat B was capable of. Though the event was truncated due to inclement weather, it was still great, as we had the opportunity to see where we stand now. And there is much hope for the future.
But it's amazing how my mood can swing between extremes within such short periods of time. I was extremely elated by the end of MR500, yet.. now, I'm starting to have doubts. Really... Sometimes, I guess it's not a good idea to have such a powerful information satellite. It's nice to get to know some things that others don't know, but other times, it's saddening to know what's going on backstage. Especially when you accidentally find out what people are saying about you / doing to you behind your back.
I had such a firm belief in our team, about how bonded we are, especially within my own batch. Yet.. when I accidentally found out certain things, my belief was shaken. Not entirely crumbled, or at least not yet, but.. I really don't know if anything anyone says is true anymore.
"You did a great job coxing for that set!"
"You've improved alot over the past few months."
"Your biceps are damn big lah!"
"At first I thought that you were quite annoying, but then actually your feedback is usually quite constructive."
All those and many other things that you guys have said.. I don't even know if I should believe any of those anymore. But it's really ironic. The fact that I'm actually being affected by all these just shows one thing: I care about what they think of me. Despite things having happened without my knowledge, I still care. I guess that's the heart that Darren has always been talking about. Using your heart to row for your brothers on the boat, for all these guys important to you.
***************************
Laptop ran out of battery, so I had it shut down and went for training. And I felt much better after training. I guess, I thought too much, like what Pong said last time. I guess I'm just too sensitive. In the past, I used to not care what others thought of me, as long as I knew I was doing what's right. But I guess the environment has changed me. And the truth is, I knew that almost everyone on the team just likes to poke fun at each other. No point taking each other too seriously, I guess.
But still, there are certain people.. not necessarily from the team, but just a general observation about people around me.. who try to pretend that they did not mean what they said by adding "Just kidding!" after their comment, which is usually negative at the very least, if not derogatory.
"Walao! This kind of simple question also don't know how to do?... Just kidding!"
"The stroke pull until like that, should might as well be coxswain... Just kidding!"
And the list goes on.. But I don't want to point fingers. It's really not a very nice thing to do when it's obvious that you actually meant what you initially said, and is simply trying to cover it up by throwing those 2 words. And my Keng Swee watch mates from OBS should remember this: I hate hypocrites. Enough said.
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I'm really proud of our team, especially boat B. We've improved much over the past months, and I'm truly amazed by what boat B was capable of. Though the event was truncated due to inclement weather, it was still great, as we had the opportunity to see where we stand now. And there is much hope for the future.
But it's amazing how my mood can swing between extremes within such short periods of time. I was extremely elated by the end of MR500, yet.. now, I'm starting to have doubts. Really... Sometimes, I guess it's not a good idea to have such a powerful information satellite. It's nice to get to know some things that others don't know, but other times, it's saddening to know what's going on backstage. Especially when you accidentally find out what people are saying about you / doing to you behind your back.
I had such a firm belief in our team, about how bonded we are, especially within my own batch. Yet.. when I accidentally found out certain things, my belief was shaken. Not entirely crumbled, or at least not yet, but.. I really don't know if anything anyone says is true anymore.
"You did a great job coxing for that set!"
"You've improved alot over the past few months."
"Your biceps are damn big lah!"
"At first I thought that you were quite annoying, but then actually your feedback is usually quite constructive."
All those and many other things that you guys have said.. I don't even know if I should believe any of those anymore. But it's really ironic. The fact that I'm actually being affected by all these just shows one thing: I care about what they think of me. Despite things having happened without my knowledge, I still care. I guess that's the heart that Darren has always been talking about. Using your heart to row for your brothers on the boat, for all these guys important to you.
***************************
Laptop ran out of battery, so I had it shut down and went for training. And I felt much better after training. I guess, I thought too much, like what Pong said last time. I guess I'm just too sensitive. In the past, I used to not care what others thought of me, as long as I knew I was doing what's right. But I guess the environment has changed me. And the truth is, I knew that almost everyone on the team just likes to poke fun at each other. No point taking each other too seriously, I guess.
But still, there are certain people.. not necessarily from the team, but just a general observation about people around me.. who try to pretend that they did not mean what they said by adding "Just kidding!" after their comment, which is usually negative at the very least, if not derogatory.
"Walao! This kind of simple question also don't know how to do?... Just kidding!"
"The stroke pull until like that, should might as well be coxswain... Just kidding!"
And the list goes on.. But I don't want to point fingers. It's really not a very nice thing to do when it's obvious that you actually meant what you initially said, and is simply trying to cover it up by throwing those 2 words. And my Keng Swee watch mates from OBS should remember this: I hate hypocrites. Enough said.
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Dependence.
I came across this quite long ago, probably from an email or something, and I guess it's interesting enough for me to remember it until now. Initially wanted to blog it together with the post on Valentine's Day, but unfortunately forgot.
In everyone's life, there will always be four people that you come across:
1. Your first love.
2. The person you loved the most.
3. The person who loved you the most.
4. The person whom you spend the rest of your life with.
But for most people, the 4 will usually not be the same person. I guess for me, I've met 1, who is definitely not 2, and I've yet to come across 3 or 4. And perhaps there will be someone along the way who replaces 2. Though that will always remain a mystery until my dying day.
Speaking of my dying day, I'm reminded of the song Come What May from the movie Moulin Rouge. I haven't really seen the movie properly. Didn't pay attention to it when we were watching at my friend's house, until the last part, which was.. really touching. And the song is really.. sad. It's not a song with a catchy melody or enchanting lyrics, but it's still a really good song. Very appropriate for the movie.
Having said all those stuff above, I just have a simple point for this post. Sometimes, it's scary to grow close to people. You become dependent on them, without realizing it. And someday, inevitably, you will part. Sometimes I think it would be really good to have a special someone, whom you can turn to when it seems as if you can't shoulder the weight of the world anymore. Yet.. opening yourself up may possibly result in despair at the end of the day.
3 days to MR500. Time to see how much I've improved over the past 3 months, in terms of coxing. And we'll be able to witness how much we've improved as a team.
And by the way, don't read too much into the last line of the previous post. It doesn't really mean anything significant. Not anymore, anyway.
0 comments
In everyone's life, there will always be four people that you come across:
1. Your first love.
2. The person you loved the most.
3. The person who loved you the most.
4. The person whom you spend the rest of your life with.
But for most people, the 4 will usually not be the same person. I guess for me, I've met 1, who is definitely not 2, and I've yet to come across 3 or 4. And perhaps there will be someone along the way who replaces 2. Though that will always remain a mystery until my dying day.
Speaking of my dying day, I'm reminded of the song Come What May from the movie Moulin Rouge. I haven't really seen the movie properly. Didn't pay attention to it when we were watching at my friend's house, until the last part, which was.. really touching. And the song is really.. sad. It's not a song with a catchy melody or enchanting lyrics, but it's still a really good song. Very appropriate for the movie.
Having said all those stuff above, I just have a simple point for this post. Sometimes, it's scary to grow close to people. You become dependent on them, without realizing it. And someday, inevitably, you will part. Sometimes I think it would be really good to have a special someone, whom you can turn to when it seems as if you can't shoulder the weight of the world anymore. Yet.. opening yourself up may possibly result in despair at the end of the day.
3 days to MR500. Time to see how much I've improved over the past 3 months, in terms of coxing. And we'll be able to witness how much we've improved as a team.
And by the way, don't read too much into the last line of the previous post. It doesn't really mean anything significant. Not anymore, anyway.
0 comments
Friday, March 20, 2009
Faith. Belief. Trust.
Okay this post is really long overdue. I initially wanted to blog about this immediately after OBS, but have been so busy with school. I probably should be attempting my CS or MA lab right now, but I shall just squeeze in a blog post.
OBS had been a really fruitful journey for me. I learnt many new things there, and most importantly, is now much more closely bonded to my team mates. One of things I gained through the course was to have more FBT in my team mates. Faith. Belief. Trust.
Although I've always known I was a perfectionist, I'd been quite.. oblivious to the impact my actions might have had on others. By attempting to take things into my own hands so that the results will not be below my expectations, I had actually been robbing others of their rights and undermining their ability to perform.
But after the course, I now understand how important it is to have FBT in the people around me, especially my team mates. There's only so much within my control as a coxswain. At the end of the day, I need the strength of the rowers to bring us through the finishing line.
And to that, I also do hope all the rowers will have faith that I will do my job well as a coxswain. Although I do have to admit that my coxing ability isn't top notch yet.. But I'm still learning as much as I can every training. I can't give anything but my best, because I know of the high hopes pinned on me.. And I must not let my brothers down..
But unfortunately, I had to injure my back now. Probably a sprain or something, but I can't bend forward at all. And there's only 1 week left to MR500. I really hope I can recover in time. If not, even coxing will be a problem.
I've been listening to Way Back Into Love on repeat for the past hour. Will be borrowing the Music And Lyrics DVD from Alwyn next week. The story sounds touching, and the song is beautiful. And I do hope I'm not imagining things this time..
0 comments
OBS had been a really fruitful journey for me. I learnt many new things there, and most importantly, is now much more closely bonded to my team mates. One of things I gained through the course was to have more FBT in my team mates. Faith. Belief. Trust.
Although I've always known I was a perfectionist, I'd been quite.. oblivious to the impact my actions might have had on others. By attempting to take things into my own hands so that the results will not be below my expectations, I had actually been robbing others of their rights and undermining their ability to perform.
But after the course, I now understand how important it is to have FBT in the people around me, especially my team mates. There's only so much within my control as a coxswain. At the end of the day, I need the strength of the rowers to bring us through the finishing line.
And to that, I also do hope all the rowers will have faith that I will do my job well as a coxswain. Although I do have to admit that my coxing ability isn't top notch yet.. But I'm still learning as much as I can every training. I can't give anything but my best, because I know of the high hopes pinned on me.. And I must not let my brothers down..
But unfortunately, I had to injure my back now. Probably a sprain or something, but I can't bend forward at all. And there's only 1 week left to MR500. I really hope I can recover in time. If not, even coxing will be a problem.
I've been listening to Way Back Into Love on repeat for the past hour. Will be borrowing the Music And Lyrics DVD from Alwyn next week. The story sounds touching, and the song is beautiful. And I do hope I'm not imagining things this time..
0 comments
Saturday, February 14, 2009
All Out Of Love.
I'd love to post the original version by Air Supply, but unfortunately I can't embed the video, so if you wish, please visit the YouTube page. Also, you may wish to enjoy the cover by Westlife and Delta Goodrem in the video above too.
Anyway, I still vividly remember this incident during my stint in Starhub. A customer was inquiring on her connecting tone a.k.a. Call Tones, which was the song All Out Of Love by Air Supply. She was rather.. horrified when she found out that the connecting tone was expiring on her birthday. She then continued to explain to me how that song meant so much to her and it must not expire on her birthday.
So I then tried to teach her how to renew the connecting tone, but failed to do so because she was too unfamiliar with the interface. She then pleaded (no kidding, she sounded really desperate) for me to help her renew it on my end. And of course, how could I refuse?
So after I completed the good deed, she thanked me profusely, and reiterated how important that song was to her. And the next thing that came was totally unexpected. She asked if I had a girlfriend, to which I obviously answered no. And then she proceeded to wish me good luck in love. And the call ended there.
After that, I thought about what traumatic experience she must have been through, such that this is the most important song in her life. I told this incident to some friends and one of them commented that it's funny how she's so persistent in ensuring it remains as her connecting tone, when it's the callers who hear the song and not her.
But either case, it seems that the good luck she wished upon me didn't have much effect, which should be pretty obvious from the fact that I'm blogging right now. And, it seems to me that my life may end up like that customer's after all.
It was, on a Thursday probably 3 weeks ago, when I got rather emo. And then I don't know why, but I suddenly started thinking of her. It's been almost 6 years now.. And yet, I still can't forget her. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
There's so much that I want to tell her, but yet.. I know I can't. I'd rather she be happy, instead of knowing that someone is thinking of her. I guess how I feel can be summed up by my favourite song from 五月天 Mayday, 《听不到》:
But after not having close contact with her for so long, I realize how little I know about her now. And I believe she probably had an enjoyable time with a significant other today. But the best part is, I don't even know if that significant other exists. How nice.
I guess it's supposed to be embarrassing to say all these here. But, I guess it's good for me to chronicle how I spent Valentine's Day this year. Other than having a hot and sweaty session with 30 guys in the morning in a 船 (not 床), of course. And, I guess she probably won't be reading all these, since I'm not really of any importance to her, I guess. And even if she does end up reading this, I hope she won't realize I'm talking about her. She probably wouldn't. And in the meantime, I shall continue listening to All Out Of Love..
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Friday, February 06, 2009
Kindness.
So there was this point in time when there was the topic: What makes us Singaporean? One of the things I believe is unique to Singapore is our array of courtesy campaigns. From the Singa the Courtesy Lion in the past, it has evolved into the Singapore Kindness Movement this year. But truly, if a country as advanced as Singapore needs campaigns to remind its citizens of how to act, I think there's seriously something horribly wrong with the ethics and morals of our society.
Exactly one week ago, I was at the Arts canteen queuing up to buy a waffle. So it came to the point when I was second in line, waiting for the girl in front of me to collect her order. And out of nowhere, this guy appeared beside me and asked, "Hi, I just want to buy a few curry puffs, so is it okay if you just let me go first?"
I found myself in an unexpected situation and it took me a second or two before I could process the question and generate an appropriate output and finally out came the reply: "No". And in case you were wondering, I made it sound in a very "duh" kind of way.
And it's no surprise that I was rudely shocked when I heard his reply: "No?"
I mean, did he expect me to say yes? I guess he did. But that reaction from him was totally uncalled for. And then I gave him a very stern reply, "NO". (And yes, this time I showed some frustration in my tone.) And then he quietly went to join the back of the queue.
So the question is, why did he believe that I should let him enjoy the privilege of cutting the queue, when there were quite a few people waiting to get their food behind me? At first I was thinking if I should allow him to do so, but then I figured there's no reason why I should. Firstly, he's not underprivileged. It's not as if he was physically handicapped and would be distressed from queuing. Neither was he doing the society a favour by buying food for the elderly, or something along the lines of benefiting the less fortunate. Well, I might have relented if he was female, but, too bad..
I believe it is one thing to expect people to be kind to you, and another to expect others to bestow undue privileges upon you, when you clearly do not deserve any form of special treatment that may induce others to suffer instead, i.e. DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH. And if you do wish to expect more than you deserve, then don't make it so obvious when you don't get privileged. People will get pissed off and blog about you.
But that's considered quite a mild case. At least he didn't purposely try to piss anyone off, but was simply thinking of making things convenient for himself and neglected others in the process. There was a really horrible incident I encountered a few months ago, in which the perpetrator had no shame at all whatsoever.
So I was on an MRT train a few months back. There was this humongous, gargantuan, obese fat woman whom, obviously having failed at birth control, did not bother educating her children at all.
She had a child in a pram, while another 2 were seated. However, one of the two who were seated kept playing and having fun on the train by swinging around on the pole. He ended up hitting a lady numerous times while swinging around. At first, the lady just took a glance at the child and ignored the little nuisance, but after the little brat child failed to practise self-control after some time, the lady glared at him. The boy, seemingly frightened, ran to the side of the elephantine woman his mother and cowered in fear.
The next thing you would expect in such a situation would be for the mother to apologize on behalf of her son for the misdemeanor. So you can guess how appalled I was when I heard her tell the lady, "Why? People cannot bang you, is it? Don't want people bang you then take taxi lah!" I was DISGUSTED. Totally.
There was also another time, also on an MRT train, when there was a mother who blatantly gave her son, who was in a pram, a packet of potato chips to munch on. I think it's already bad enough how some teenagers enjoy their food on the train so conspicuously. And here's a mother in front of me who condoned such actions. I actually took a photo of the scene and wanted to post it online, but ended up deciding against it, since it wouldn't be very nice of me. Not that the mother deserved better, but still, I guess it wasn't as if she was committing some major crime.
These are the people who make me feel ashamed of being a Singaporean. But as what I like to say: "We need such people around us to make us realize how good others are, so that we can treasure our friends."
To end this off, I noted that on the Singapore Kindness Movement website, there have been 3114 people thus far who have made it their resolution to be kind. It's been 7 hours since I started writing this post, (no, I wasn't writing this for all 7 hours) and the number hasn't changed at all. I believe it is safe to say that those who could be bothered have already made their resolution on the website. I couldn't be bothered, since I know I don't need such a reminder for me to be kind, or at least act kind. And since the current population of Singapore is roughly 4.8 million, I'm glad there will be at least one kind person in every 1500 people I meet. There sure are many kind people out there.
1 comments
Exactly one week ago, I was at the Arts canteen queuing up to buy a waffle. So it came to the point when I was second in line, waiting for the girl in front of me to collect her order. And out of nowhere, this guy appeared beside me and asked, "Hi, I just want to buy a few curry puffs, so is it okay if you just let me go first?"
I found myself in an unexpected situation and it took me a second or two before I could process the question and generate an appropriate output and finally out came the reply: "No". And in case you were wondering, I made it sound in a very "duh" kind of way.
And it's no surprise that I was rudely shocked when I heard his reply: "No?"
I mean, did he expect me to say yes? I guess he did. But that reaction from him was totally uncalled for. And then I gave him a very stern reply, "NO". (And yes, this time I showed some frustration in my tone.) And then he quietly went to join the back of the queue.
So the question is, why did he believe that I should let him enjoy the privilege of cutting the queue, when there were quite a few people waiting to get their food behind me? At first I was thinking if I should allow him to do so, but then I figured there's no reason why I should. Firstly, he's not underprivileged. It's not as if he was physically handicapped and would be distressed from queuing. Neither was he doing the society a favour by buying food for the elderly, or something along the lines of benefiting the less fortunate. Well, I might have relented if he was female, but, too bad..
I believe it is one thing to expect people to be kind to you, and another to expect others to bestow undue privileges upon you, when you clearly do not deserve any form of special treatment that may induce others to suffer instead, i.e. DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH. And if you do wish to expect more than you deserve, then don't make it so obvious when you don't get privileged. People will get pissed off and blog about you.
But that's considered quite a mild case. At least he didn't purposely try to piss anyone off, but was simply thinking of making things convenient for himself and neglected others in the process. There was a really horrible incident I encountered a few months ago, in which the perpetrator had no shame at all whatsoever.
So I was on an MRT train a few months back. There was this humongous, gargantuan, obese fat woman whom, obviously having failed at birth control, did not bother educating her children at all.
She had a child in a pram, while another 2 were seated. However, one of the two who were seated kept playing and having fun on the train by swinging around on the pole. He ended up hitting a lady numerous times while swinging around. At first, the lady just took a glance at the child and ignored the little nuisance, but after the little brat child failed to practise self-control after some time, the lady glared at him. The boy, seemingly frightened, ran to the side of the elephantine woman his mother and cowered in fear.
The next thing you would expect in such a situation would be for the mother to apologize on behalf of her son for the misdemeanor. So you can guess how appalled I was when I heard her tell the lady, "Why? People cannot bang you, is it? Don't want people bang you then take taxi lah!" I was DISGUSTED. Totally.
There was also another time, also on an MRT train, when there was a mother who blatantly gave her son, who was in a pram, a packet of potato chips to munch on. I think it's already bad enough how some teenagers enjoy their food on the train so conspicuously. And here's a mother in front of me who condoned such actions. I actually took a photo of the scene and wanted to post it online, but ended up deciding against it, since it wouldn't be very nice of me. Not that the mother deserved better, but still, I guess it wasn't as if she was committing some major crime.
These are the people who make me feel ashamed of being a Singaporean. But as what I like to say: "We need such people around us to make us realize how good others are, so that we can treasure our friends."
To end this off, I noted that on the Singapore Kindness Movement website, there have been 3114 people thus far who have made it their resolution to be kind. It's been 7 hours since I started writing this post, (no, I wasn't writing this for all 7 hours) and the number hasn't changed at all. I believe it is safe to say that those who could be bothered have already made their resolution on the website. I couldn't be bothered, since I know I don't need such a reminder for me to be kind, or at least act kind. And since the current population of Singapore is roughly 4.8 million, I'm glad there will be at least one kind person in every 1500 people I meet. There sure are many kind people out there.
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Memory.
Memory is a funny thing. It never seems to work the way it should. I can't seem to remember what I should, yet I can't seem to forget what ought to be forgotten.
Yesterday, we were just introduced to dynamic memory allocation in C++. If only my brain could function like a computer, such that I can allocate space for whatever I need to remember, and retrieve the information whenever I need to. But life is never that easy, is it?
And so yesterday, after showering at SRC after training, I accidentally left my clothes behind in the shower. And did not remember until I was on my way home. And amongst the clothes I was wearing, there was the item I treasured the most: my dragon boat singlet. The rest of the items, such as shorts, socks and underwear, could always be easily replaced.
I was then reminded of what happened during my JC days, when I lost my team watch (everyone on the team had the same watch) to MacRitchie Reservoir. It was something that could have been avoided, but I just had to capsize (Yes, I was rowing a T1 and shouldn't have capsized, but I did.) and end up losing the watch. At that point in time, I felt a loss of identity, as if it was a sign, telling me I wasn't good enough to be part of the team. But I soon got over it, even though I eventually still wasn't good enough to compete in the Nationals. It's amazing how I still remember this.
And this time, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to retrieve my singlet. Even though I do actually have 3 other team singlets, I did not wish to lose a single one. But at least this time, I did not let the loss affect me in a negative way, as I knew that even if I were unable to get it back, my abilities did not depend on it. But still, I was really glad when Pirapong told me he managed to salvage it. Really appreciated the trouble he went to help me find it.
But there have been so many more losses that my memory, or rather lack of, has caused me. Like how I left my $110 Asics Cumulus 10 overnight at Kallang and only realized the next morning. And needless to say, it was gone when I went back. And suffering financial losses isn't all. I don't even want to get started on the marketing subject pool study I forgot to attend. And the Chinese "spelling" test I forgot to study for when I was still in primary school.
My forgetfulness caused all these terrible things to happen, yet I can't ever seem to forget any of them. And the best part is, my memory seems to be getting worse. And the ginkgo biloba doesn't seem to be helping. Provided I do remember to take it.
Which brings me to my last point, which I almost forgot. There's the saying, "Forgive and forget." Sure, I usually don't bear grudges, fulfilling the "forgive" part. But don't expect me to forget, because I can't control the things my brain wants to remember. And for some reason, it's especially good at remembering misdemeanors.
And one last thing. Here's an interesting quote about memory from when I was a little boy. It's something I saw more than 10 years ago, yet I still remember: "When I do good, nobody remembers. When I do wrong, nobody forgets." And from experience, that seems to be the way most people's memories work.
On hindsight, my blogging style seems to have changed. Changed pretty much. Perhaps it's how I've evolved over the past half a year without blogging. There were instances when I wanted to rant about stuff, but nothing substantial enough to warrant a post. But I guess, this time, it's different. I've changed.
And yes, my blog is alive again. =D
0 comments
Yesterday, we were just introduced to dynamic memory allocation in C++. If only my brain could function like a computer, such that I can allocate space for whatever I need to remember, and retrieve the information whenever I need to. But life is never that easy, is it?
And so yesterday, after showering at SRC after training, I accidentally left my clothes behind in the shower. And did not remember until I was on my way home. And amongst the clothes I was wearing, there was the item I treasured the most: my dragon boat singlet. The rest of the items, such as shorts, socks and underwear, could always be easily replaced.
I was then reminded of what happened during my JC days, when I lost my team watch (everyone on the team had the same watch) to MacRitchie Reservoir. It was something that could have been avoided, but I just had to capsize (Yes, I was rowing a T1 and shouldn't have capsized, but I did.) and end up losing the watch. At that point in time, I felt a loss of identity, as if it was a sign, telling me I wasn't good enough to be part of the team. But I soon got over it, even though I eventually still wasn't good enough to compete in the Nationals. It's amazing how I still remember this.
And this time, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to retrieve my singlet. Even though I do actually have 3 other team singlets, I did not wish to lose a single one. But at least this time, I did not let the loss affect me in a negative way, as I knew that even if I were unable to get it back, my abilities did not depend on it. But still, I was really glad when Pirapong told me he managed to salvage it. Really appreciated the trouble he went to help me find it.
But there have been so many more losses that my memory, or rather lack of, has caused me. Like how I left my $110 Asics Cumulus 10 overnight at Kallang and only realized the next morning. And needless to say, it was gone when I went back. And suffering financial losses isn't all. I don't even want to get started on the marketing subject pool study I forgot to attend. And the Chinese "spelling" test I forgot to study for when I was still in primary school.
My forgetfulness caused all these terrible things to happen, yet I can't ever seem to forget any of them. And the best part is, my memory seems to be getting worse. And the ginkgo biloba doesn't seem to be helping. Provided I do remember to take it.
Which brings me to my last point, which I almost forgot. There's the saying, "Forgive and forget." Sure, I usually don't bear grudges, fulfilling the "forgive" part. But don't expect me to forget, because I can't control the things my brain wants to remember. And for some reason, it's especially good at remembering misdemeanors.
And one last thing. Here's an interesting quote about memory from when I was a little boy. It's something I saw more than 10 years ago, yet I still remember: "When I do good, nobody remembers. When I do wrong, nobody forgets." And from experience, that seems to be the way most people's memories work.
On hindsight, my blogging style seems to have changed. Changed pretty much. Perhaps it's how I've evolved over the past half a year without blogging. There were instances when I wanted to rant about stuff, but nothing substantial enough to warrant a post. But I guess, this time, it's different. I've changed.
And yes, my blog is alive again. =D
0 comments
