the REAL me.

Well, according to the book given to me by cj n yw on my birthday, "Lose Weight! Get Laid! Find God!", which is a life planner for anyone from birth to the age of 100, (it's actually a humour book,) I'm supposed to have a quarterlife crisis only at 25. I guess I'm having it prematurely now. But then again, I was supposed to develop a crush on my teacher at age 11, (which I didn't,) and lose my virginity at age 17, (which I haven't,) so I suppose it's alright for me to jumble up the sequence a little. (For the full list of events at each age, click HERE. For the authors' [there are 2 of them] website, click HERE.) And another thing is, according to statistics, left handers live 7 years less than right handers on average, so I suppose it's to be expected that my quarterlife crisis would come much sooner. But well, 70% of all statistics are made up, including this 70% I'm talking about here, so I don't know if I'll really die sooner.

Well anyway, I shall blame all my past emo entries on this quarterlife crisis. I haven't really sorted stuff out, actually. And I recently realized I've been a frog living in a well. I thought I knew much, until a few recent revelations revealed otherwise. And then I realize how little I knew about the people around me. Perhaps ignorance really is bliss. Now that I know just slightly more, there's already a whole pot of feelings churning inside me. No, I shall not be emo anymore. Stoicism is the way to go! Haha, not really, but.. I suppose showing any unhappiness won't really do me or anyone around me any good. I suppose some people might advise me to think positive, but sometimes, things are easier said than done. I shall see how things go from here on..

And I'm so glad that someone who owns a blog that provides t-shirt personalization printing services has advertised on my blog by posting a comment in the previous post. In Portuguese. Thanks to Google translate, I managed to get the idea that he liked that entry and hence decided to publicize his own blog on mine. I doubt he even understands English. No matter. I shall not delete the comment so that I can be reminded of what readers I actually have. Perhaps as they say, what goes around comes around. Spammed to much on Eddie's tagboard, I guess. But even Eddie seemed to be enjoying the spam, heh..

Well, I suppose that's all for now. Perhaps I'll get to blog about some interesting stuff that happens during this NDP period.. Tomorrow we'll be taking part in the first combined rehearsal. I'll be looking forward to seeing the ugly side of Singaporeans.. Heh..
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I came up with this law some time ago, but I just came up with a name for it so I decided to blog about it now. I was intending to call it a theory at first, but then I decided it's more of a law since it's definitely always true.

So anyway, "Filbert's Law of Deliverance Assumption" states that when someone allows himself/herself to get into an undesirable situation, he/she assumes that he/she will be able to return to his/her original state, or even better. Perhaps "deliverance" isn't such a good word, but i wanted something more sophisticated than "recovery" for my law.

Well anyway, this law can be applied in many different situations. The one that most guys who have gone through NS can relate to is that of outfield experience. When we go outfield for an exercise, there is the underlying assumption that we will be able to return to camp at the end of it all and wash up after being dirty for days. Another situation is that when we go swimming, we assume that our bags will not get stolen and we will be able to get dressed again. When we shit, we assume that the toilet paper will be enough for us to clean our asshole. (I didn't really feel like using this word, but I can't think of a simile. Oh! Anus.. oh well..) When we bathe, we assume that the water will not stop running and you suddenly find yourself covered in soap and unable to wash it off. When you take the lift, you assume that the lift will not spoil and trap you inside for hours.

There's still many instances I can add on to the list above, but I suppose that's enough. If you agree or disagree with my law, please comment! =D
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Okay the first video shows Squall's most powerful limit break in FF8, Lion Heart. Imagine the damage we'll be taking this coming week. (Note: Internal joke. Ask me if you want to know the details.) The second video is my favourite song from SMAP, titled らいおんハート. ("Lion Heart". For those who understand japanese, don't ask me why "Lion" is written in hiragana. I have no idea.) It's not that hard for it to be my favourite SMAP song, considering I've only heard 2 songs from SMAP before. (The other being 君色思い, "Your Colourful Thoughts", or something like that. It's the opening theme for Akazukin Cha Cha.)

Actually, I don't really have much to blog about this week. I didn't put any thought into trying to discuss about a topic. I suppose sometimes I must give my brain a rest. But I do feel rather calm this week. Thanks Lydia and Yiwen for your concern!! And all others who showed concern too, btw. But yeah, I'm alright now.. Guess I've been thinking too much lately. And I need to go to the GSS!! Haha..
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WARNING: SUPER LONG ENTRY

There's too many different topics I'm touching on in this entry, and thus I couldn't give a title to it. My emotions seem to be going downhill all the way, like plunging into some deep quicksand that I can't seem to climb out. And it doesn't really help when you know people are bitching about you behind your back.

Perhaps it's fate. [EDIT]This entire chunk has been removed due to censorship issues.[/EDIT] And that started me thinking. For until now, I've always thought I'm actually quite well accepted by my platoon. But then again, "知人,知面,不知心", and thus I started doubting myself.

Come to think of it, I don't really know what to believe in anymore. I know it's not right of me to doubt them, but I don't even know what my subordinates think of me. For one thing is, even out there in the working world, subordinates will tend to refrain from showing their unhappiness with their superiors, so as not to affect their working relationship. I suppose there has to be some truth in what Ronald Seen has said, since he had no reason to make up lies in such a situation.

I've sort of stopped bitching about others for some time now. I'm not trying to portray myself as a saint, but seriously, I don't really see any point in bitching anymore. Sure, you get to vent your anger on someone you don't like, and maybe rally support in your campaign against that particular person. But does it really make you happier? I don't think so. That's why I don't bother anymore. [EDIT]Censored.[/EDIT]

I've actually had this notion for some time now, which is to try to make people happy. That's why nowadays, in many situations where I could possibly start an argument with someone, I choose to take a passive stand and just remain stoical, leaving the unhappiness for myself. But that's only when it comes to my own problems. I hope I won't let my subordinates down, or at least try my best to fight for them when it is right to do so.

I wanted to blog about this dream I had a few weeks ago right after I had it, but decided not do, but now I've decided to blog it again. It occurred a few days after I supposedly caused Ronald Seen to fail. He was in the dream, along with others I couldn't remember. But the gist of the dream was that he wasn't unhappy with me anymore, even though I didn't apologize to him in the dream, because I still felt I didn't do anything wrong. I was glad and relieved, but then I awoke.

Anyway the song in the video above is 失意 (Amnesia) by Fish Leong. I put it firstly because it's nice, and secondly, because I feel that the song lyrics suit me very well at this moment. "得了失意可能对你我都好". There's so many things that are troubling my mind now that it may not be such a bad idea to forget all my troubles. I don't like being an escapist, which is why the only way to get away from my troubles is for me to have amnesia. Not remembering Ronald Seen (and others) hating me, not remembering all the wrong I've done, not remembering people I don't want to remember, whether it's because I love them too much or hate them too much (then again, I don't really hate anyone that much anymore). It doesn't seem like such a bad thing. But then again, I'll probably regret losing memories of all my friends, all those people and things important to me. I guess it's impossible to have the best of both worlds.

But sometimes when I think of some people and I know that they aren't thinking of me, I wish I could stop thinking of them. There's the saying that the most painful feeling is to have the person you love right beside you and yet he/she doesn't know. For me, the distance is great, but the feeling doesn't seem to diminish.



Anyway, the picture above was created by.. someone. He told me he dedicated it to me, but meant it as a joke. I know he doesn't mean anything bad, because if he did, he wouldn't have sent it to me. I actually find it quite funny, instead of offending. If you can't tell what it means, I won't bother explaining.

I just saw Jun Kai online and approached him, and it was my first time talking to him online because he's seldom online, albeit a very short conversation. He told me his friend just passed away and he was busy, so I left him alone and didn't inquire further. Life is unpredictable. I think I should try to complete FFX soon and return Zhang Yan his guide. I guess I should start doing what I need to do, instead of assuming that there's still much time left.

For some reason, I don't feel that sad at this point in time. It's amazing how my mood can change from the start until the end of typing an entry. Mood swings are here again. At least for now I feel calm, and I suppose I should enjoy this feeling for as long as it lasts. =D
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